Systemic Light Blogging

I see that I'm not the only one out there who isn't posting much to their weblog. I don't really have much to say except that I'm planning my move upstate to be completed by October 1st at the latest. I'm hoping to line up a life up in Troy (hopefully, else Albany, or mayhaps Schenectady), and finally close my New York chapter. I've done a couple readings about my options however, and it looks as if I might be shuttling back and forth between el pomo grande and Albania. We shall see how it all works.

It was Lammas last week, and I have felt that, true to form, fall is just a flavor in the air. I guess I've always felt this way in August. As a kid, I longed for being in school. Yeah, I was one of those perverse ones, but I found life at home to be really boring. Perhaps that was because I had become addicted to sugar and flour, though if anyone would have told me that back then, I'd have ignored them. So thick was that denial. If I wasn't sleepwalking through school as everyone else was, I'd probably have found a way to challenge the whole edifice. Or maybe not--perhaps I'd have become one of the ranks of the underperforming brilliances that I later seem to have joined. Would it have happened earlier? Or would I have found something else later to become addicted to?

I don't know what I really want to say right now. One of the readings I did was a Toltec Oracle about this next phase of my journey, and the Vulture came up in the Mind quadrant. Basically, I'm counseled to recognize the death of a dream and to let the corpse be the nurturing factor, the sustenance of my new phase of development. This feels absolutely right--I feel that I'm letting a dream of being a writer die to become something else. To give energy to something else that has yet to become clear.

Yesterday as I was going off to sleep I had a momentary vision of a flash of light. It reminded me of a blinking light of a plane at night, and as I pursued that vision, I saw the plane as if I was sitting on one of its wheels. It was dark where the plane was, though the vision took place a little after noon. I tried to pursue the vision more, but got mired in my apocalyptic fantasies of doom and mass destruction. A few minutes ago I wondered if it wasn't more a reminder that my soul knows what needs to happen next, and the light is always with me. I don't know. But I gather there are things to take place in Manhattan today that are a bit unnerving, given that the last big thing happened on 7/7. And today is 8/8.

Whatever. Across time, all is well. Truth becomes apparent, but I know the power of denial. We get to see how strong a collective denial is over the next few months...