What do I mean by block? Too confused to take action, too weighed down by
judgments and worries and concern over self-image, too filled with regret
for what might have been and anxiety over fulfilling future expectations,
too doubtful about the meaning of it all in The Vast Scheme of Things. Block
is the pause before what comes next, a calm in the storm, a chance to look
both ways, and then to cross the street.
I like that last little bit, especially the pause part. “When agitated or doubtful, we pause.” That’s a Big Book phrase. I posted a reply on his blog about
Hello from a longtime lurker!
I've been reading your blog occasionally, finding it quite interesting at times. I'm personally not quite sure what to think of the whole Integral/Spiral Dynamics approach to things, but I'm a "TWICALTRist" heart. (Take What I Can And Leave The Rest-ist.) That's my #1 spiritual tool, thanks to 12-Step groups. I take what I can from Integral stuff and leave the rest. Not an off-the-rack kind of thinker as it were.
I wanted to write because I've been thinking a lot about my own writer's block, which I've been inside for a couple of years now. It's quite a long pause before whatever comes next, or I'm waiting a really long time for the traffic to clear. Or more honestly, I'm wondering if I want to go further down a certain road I've been on, and looking for a way of egress to something more my speed. (Though looking at the length of this post, I do seem to have quite a bit to say about my long pause.)
Like you I seem to have hit a wall re: the larger world. I surf the web and it's not that I don't care, but little really grabs me these days. I have been a writer of dramatic media for the better part of my life--have an MFA from NYU and a BA from Dartmouth in Drama. For years I wrote from a place of gay/fat person anger. Now I'm no longer overweight and the engine just went pfffffft.
But I also feel my writer's block is somehow tied in with some spiritual awakenings I've had over the past 2 years since I lost the weight. I've also changed my place of residence, my job, my hours, and I'm dating someone seriously for the first time in my life. I set down to try to write stuff other than morning pages (which are helpful), but I just don't have much heart for anything at the present time.
I don't especially feel that I want to participate as a writer in a culture that's dying. I used to rue the fact that no theater or film company would take me seriously. Now I look at that as a blessing. I might be more caught up in fwa-fwa if I were to be one of the cognoscenti di literati.
I may be in-between subject matters as well. One of the last plays I started writing was my reaction to the Columbine massacre. (I'm originally from Littleton, Colorado--went to a rival h.s.) Columbine made me realize that the model for my "family play" was Chekhov, who wrote about the twilight of Russian imperial culture. "My Littleton Play" is about the twilight of American imperial culture. Perhaps I might even be more hopeful than that, as to say it's about the twilight of all imperial culture but with a Colorado feel. But I also wish to be a bit more constructive and encouraging as I provoke thought. I dream of being a Shakespeare for the post-civilization age. (An oxymoron? A Paradox? Time will tell, but until then, I guess that will have to be in-between -- hence, a "paradoxymoron.")
I'm just sitting with my writer's block for now, and I'm starting to write abou
(It actually got cut off there. Oh, well.)
*******
I’m trying to remember what else I wrote after that, but I don’t honestly remember much about it, other than mentioning a couple of books that were helping me. And I do seem to wax poetic about my writer’s block. Who knows if I’m helping anyone or not on this? It does seem to be something with which I need to sit for a time.
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