Yes, I'm "getting my period" again. This is a One-Death cycle. I'm a 6 Death, which means that 5 days hence will be 6 Monkey. Crocodile, Monkey and Vulture are in a "family" of sorts, according to Mayan astrology. Every 65 days we get these wondrous periods, to be sure. The last time I "got my period" I was at Witchcamp, so I barely felt it, if at all. This time around, though--whew, boy!
Yesterday, I left work in a noncommittal mood. Neither up-nor-down. I got to a 12-step meeting, and I started to become seething for no reason. I still don't really understand completely what happened, though in talking to my best friend about it, the reason might have been other people's energies impacting my sensitivities. And I kept raising my hand, and kept on not getting picked to share, so I felt a bit miffed at that as well. It only deepened my valley of imploding biliousness. I started to think about that stupid Internet game "Alchemy" where you try to complete rows on a board by placing colored glyphs next to other glyphs that possess either the color or the glyph itself. When you can't place a glyph, you have to drop it into a cauldron where it turns into boiling blood.
My stomach was a cauldron of boiling bilious blood yesterday. I left the meeting in a sour mood, and I went to Tompkins Square Park and fed some squirrels, tried to talk to trees, but I felt a seriously decrepit energy even there. The trees did their best to salve me, but I couldn't even connect with the Woofers at the Dog Run. I came home, talked with a friend which helped, went to sleep, got up, had my talk with my best friend (his b-day was yesterday), and then I talked with yet another friend about it, who helped me understand what happened in yet another way.
Before the meeting, I had this image float through my head that the people who have the energy I want for myself had "ascended" and I was left behind with the "remedials." (Yes, I do have a big ol' baby-ego!) And when I left, I thought I should just cut-and-run from the group. In talking with my friends, I realized that yes, I do have wisdom to offer that makes others nervous. I often wonder that I'm crazy, and Michael told me not to question my sanity. Other people he regards as sane, to a person, all have said the exact same thing in the past week. (Amazing...) And so, I just need to be patient and wait for others to see they're having some of the same thoughts as me. "Then they'll see!"
Whatever.
It ties in with my Toltec Reading, actually. In the Spirit quarter, I got the Dog card, which indicates that I'm meant not so much to be a teacher as a peer to people who are learning about their modes of connecting to the Great Spirit. I'm more like an example rather than a teacher, perhaps a quiet leader like a seeing-eye dog, and I'm meant to be just as unsung. All right. I can find happiness in obscurity, I just know it!
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