Haven't felt like posting much of late

It could be the January hibernation thing, though I think I'm just bored right now. So I thought I'd blog a bit about that.

I log into other websites, check out other blogs and I'm really ... well, I hate to say underwhelmed, but I don't really sense there's a lot of new stuff out there to read, to glean from the whole Internet affair. It could be that I'm just a bit tired--it's been a few months since I've had a vacation, and I am gearing up for a week in Madison, WI with my best friend and the following week I'll be at Winter Witch Camp in Winona, Minnesota (in the dead of February, that's co-o-o-ld I would imagine!), and perhaps I will be more energized thereafter. I don't know.

I've had odd thoughts of late, mostly about my character defects. I realized last Friday I've been carrying around a resentment toward a total stranger for the past 4 years. It's an unpleasant trifle, really--it involved my reading from a solo performance piece I'd written at my writer's group at a B&N in Manhattan where we used to gather and read our stuff aloud and then give our unvarnished feedback. This particular night, I was in the middle of a monologue of a character who had woken up from a suicidal trance just as he was about to jump off a roof because a playwriting group he'd been a part of had shamed him for his work, when this woman at the next table basically told me to "Shut the F' up because you're bothering me and I'm trying to study." I see my role clearly. That wasn't the right venue for our writer's group, unfortunately. But this vampire's Arianrhod moment devastated me. And I didn't realize just how deep the cuntcomment went until this past Friday, four years later. I've been having problems with my own writing of late. Just haven't felt like it much, though my having gotten abstinent has a lot to do with that.

I realize as I type these words that I haven't really wanted to say much about this experience, because it seems so broke-a-nail. But the Big Book is filled with examples of people who lost their sobriety because of the broken shoelace. They can go through divorce, the death of a loved one, downsizing, etc. with no problem, but let there be so much as a dinner fork missing for a sit-down dinner with friends, and the temptation to chuck it all away becomes irresistible. There but for the grace of Hestia.

I've been fairly listless with it all, though I'm getting into writing this "Mirror" for my best friend. Have no idea what I'm doing, but I surprise myself with my ability to show up for something that is meant to be a deeply grateful and personal gift to someone who has meant so much to me for 25+ years. And I'm making slow and steady progress on the children's book I've been engaged by my Otter (via Taliesin) to write.

So there you have it. I didn't feel like blogging and I"ve blogged a bit tonight. I probably won't be here for a couple of days. And then next week I'll go on vacation. Don't expect to blog much then either.

Happy Imbolc everyone!