Each passing day, when I log onto L'Entreseine, I marvel at how Alice-in-Wonderland it all is. I consult a couple of astrological websites--http://www.astroworld.us and http://www.planetwaves.net and http://www.handclow2012.com amongst others to see what sorts of celestial/galactic elements are at play. I also check in with my guides constantly, and I walk myself through various divinations. I recently consulted the Toltec Oracle of Victor Sanchez, and it's very curious that I keep getting three cards again and again. One of which says "go on a vision quest"--(Manik, the Deer). Odin led me on a medicine walk last year in April, which led me to meeting my boyfriend (WOWZA WOWZA WOWZA!!!) and also quickened my move up here to the Capital District. I wonder which deity will lead me on this next one, though I have the deepest sense that the timing of this full-on VQ with the 4 days in the wild, fasting and communing with nature in its deepest sense (at least as deep as we can get inside der Schwarzeisen Gefaengnis) will emerge of its own accord.
One of the cards I also get is Ehekatl -- Wind/Spirit. In this last reading, I was told that I need to shift my paradigms of thought. Well, duh! I've been aware of that even moreso since moving to Albany. I'm in that place of the trajectory of the addict where "nothing seems to work anymore." Clearly I'm hitting bottom about this whole Empire shtick, and long for a way out. Actually, I long for a shovel to start digging the tunnel that will lead me to the life beyond my wildest dreams, that will, in the words of Bill Wilson, "rocket us into the fourth dimension." (Kind of funny to find such psychedelic lingo in The Big Book of AA, but there it is in the chapter "A Vision for You.") Being abstinent from sugar and flour since March 9, 2003 has given me a much clearer perspective on the life I'm leading/the lives we are all leading and the collective lies we are all telling ourselves.
What is going on with the U.S. right now is the endgame of a national pattern of addiction, only what's transpiring is the opposite of where I am. I am in a state of seeking surrender to Divine Will and the Right Use of Personal Will therewith to align. I see the still-suffering addicts who are drunk on their own Power-Over Toxins, their L'Etat C'est Nous belief-drugs, who see their entire world going into the Crapper, and they are caught in the insane spiral of taking the same actions again and again with the confident and misplaced expectations (premeditated resentments) that this time a different result will emerge. "You don't like that? Well let me threaten and control and manipulate and extort from and control you more!!!!" Yeah, that'll lahrn mih.
Al-Anon taught me years ago that I can't control other people, nor should I even seek to. Likewise, others' attempts at controlling me are destined to fail. Fool me once, etc. I learn my lessons, and am very skilled at broken-recording others attempts to coerce me. I know I can be manipulated, coerced and become resentful, and that while someone else may be dealing with the problem of sociopathy, I still have choices. I still have a Divine Will to hook up and align with and that helps me to chart a correct path.
All this being said, I need to say I'm tired of all lies, whether I speak them or others do. The Corporo-coprophagia and its spectacle of ex(cess)ecreation that surrounds us I see with the saturated nausea it naturally creates and deserves. If only the sticky sludge would collect up a whole bunch of paper and disappear like that Tuttle character in Terry Gilliam's Brazil. Sure, I can dream, can't I?
It probably will disappear in a cloud of smoke at some point in the not too distant future, whether it's the fall of the economic house of cards or a more fiery infernale befitting President Don Giovanni, I'm not qualified to say. I don't mean this to be a downer post, though my meditation this morning was a bit strange. Hecate and Cerridwen appeared to me like zombies, though Persephone and Hades mocked them for it. ("We're the King and Queen of the Goddamn Underworld, this is so amateur hour! Those gals take themselves too seriously." "Oh, shut up!" Cer & Hec cried.) I ended up dancing with each one of them by turns. Hecate hissed at me, and I don't know what that was about. There was some message there, what I couldn't tell you.
All in all, I feel like I'm making some strong and beneficial choices. I don't understand it all, I still choose to align with Divine Will as I understand it, to choose to trust myself and my own divine spark. I feel that others around me are doing the same, and some are waking up and I have the joyous obligation to assist in that. I'm broaching the topic of peak oil with some people and it's not being dissed out-of-hand. I'm also wanting to take my finances to task and deal with the financial aspects of what's going on too. Another confusing-ass mystery to wade into!
Still. I wonder if something monstrously huge is afoot. I know something is, and what that is, may be better or worse than my fantasies. The unfolding continues...
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