Fat Boy Inside My Head

I went to the Gay Pride parade in NYC yesterday. Glad I went, but I have to remark how I still see the world through OB Citizen eyes. While I don't expect people to reject me based on how I look, I still project an aura of discomfort as if I was still 120 pounds overweight. This takes time to disengage from my body and soul, I realize. I've only been at this maintenance game 10 months now, and I can't expect to suddenly transform into someone who's only known this weight forever. That will never happen, because I'll have those memories of carrying that extra weight and how I lived my life expecting isolation and victimization.

I'm in the hallway when it comes to this game of attraction and intimacy. Going to the parade for the first time in 6 years was a step. I give myself kudos for that, even though it was difficult for me as 12 Noon for me is like 12 Midnight for everyone else. I only got to see the first part of the parade, through the Marching Band basically, when I realized I had to go home and call it a day. I was also tired and getting over an exposure to industrial allergens and toxins the day before, so I was out-of-sorts in more ways than one. Still I did go, and I'm grateful. Let this be the start of new adventures...