A feeling of being "lost"

These days I feel a bit at sea.  I feel like I should be doing something, yet all I want to do mostly is sleep.  Partly this is due to the Grand Jury duty I've volunteered for, and that time-shift of which I spoke.  But I've been feeling this at-sea condition for awhile now. 

I've been musing about what actions, if any, I could be taking right now.  I could be seeking more ways to have fun.  I could be seeking a new line of work.  I could be seriously acting upon my wishes to live in a smaller city, or even somewhere outlandish like North Dakota.  I could be doing a lot of things.  But nothing feels absolutely right.

I do ask my dreams for guidance.  Today I dreamt I wanted to get permission from some people I know in my various programs to commit suicide due to powerless rage.  (Josh Marshall on TPM wrote that in 2002 the Democrats were enraged, because they felt powerless.  Today, they're angry but not enraged, because they see they have power.  Guess that idea permeated to the bottom of my consciousness!)  The two people I talked with were non-committal about the idea. 

Even though I'm feeling "lost"--and I put it in quotes because it feels right--I don't really feel the need to do anything about it at this point.  It's uncomfortable and all, but so far I just don't see the need to simply take any old action just to do it.  There are a couple of actions I'm contemplating, but they are for once I've started my ninth step or for the fall, which I always feel is some sort of beginning.  I'm curious to see how I shall feel once we pass 15-degrees of Leo, around August 5 or so, for that is spiritually the beginning of fall.  Lammas/Lughnasadh is this coming Sunday and is the celebration of the first harvest.  The Equinox will be only 6 short weeks from thence.  Last year, I felt some sort of excitement for fall kindle in me in August.    I wanted to start eating fall foods then--squash, apples, turkey, etc.  I bet I shall feel the same sort of energy again.

For now, the thing that is keeping me tethered is trying to listen for Gaia/Sol's will for me.  It requires I spend time with the grass and the trees, which I've not been doing as much due to G.J. duty.  I did talk to the trees in a park across the street from 100 Centre Street the other day, though.  Felt good.  That's one thing I'm not lost about, is that nature is to be more central to my life.  It's just how do I bring that center and what do I do with all the other stuff I'm required to do to survive in this necrivilization?