Food

For being "The Disappearing Chef" I haven't blogged much lately about food. Right now, I'm in a comfortable rut with my food. I have pretty much the same thing for "deakfast" every day--2eggs, 1/2c 4grain cereal, 2T nuts, 1c mixed fruit (berries, pineapple and banana usually, though occasionally I throw in grapes or bits of peach or bits of an apple). Lunch has been fairly consistent--either "Lentil Bentilz" or a Mexican Turkey Burger at a local restaurant or salmon with turnips & brussels sprouts or squash from Mama's Food Shop. Plus 2T dressing and 2T nuts, some grain (usually 1oz grits), and a fruit (usu. a banana). Dinner, typically is 8oz of some animal protein or 1/2 chicken, an ounce of rice cakes, 1c greens, 1c salad veg., 1c squash, 2T dressing, 2T nuts, 1tsp butter, 1 apple, and 1/2c tomato sauce/salsa. Very simple most days.

Even though I'm comfortably "rutted" this way, I do every once in awhile get a desire to venture out a bit. I'm hoping that I'll see some of that happen now that the change of the seasons is upon us. I think I've mentioned it before, but I feel the Cross-Quarter Days--Imbolc, Beltane, Lughnasa and Samhain--are the emotional beginnings of Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter respectively, and that Ostara, Litha, Mabon and Yule are not so much the beginnings of the seasons as they are the capstones of the previous one. Ostara effectively ends winter. Litha is the end of Spring, Mabon the departure of Summer and Yule says goodbye to the Fall.

Spring foods aren't something I really think about much. Eggs of course are considered a spring food, even though I eat them year round. Spring greens are probably much in abundance, and I'm sure there are other foods out there to consider. For some reason I think Cilantro is probably a "spring" herb. Feels like one to me, anyhow. I'm going to have to go over to the Farmers' Market on Union Square one of these days and see what the spring foods are. I'm looking forward to the end of May though, when Avocado Squash will be back in store. (Yum!)

I've also been thinking a lot lately about my food addiction and how it still can play out in my head. There's a bakery nearby to where I work, one that makes really good old-fashioned cakes. When I was really into the food, that place was such a favorite. I walk past it now and sometimes I wistfully remember "way back when." Of course those memories completely obliterate the wheezing breath, the difficulty climbing stairs, the headaches and the wooziness, the wondering if I was diabetic, the crushing loneliness and desperation and the demented self-hatred I had of myself as "that fat faggot."

I'm really glad I eat well today, and I'm also glad that I have the memories of the pain to accompany the nostalgia after the foods I got too much of but never actually required. I've also made friends with my hunger today, and I've heard that at the University of Wisconsin-Madison they are exploring how calorie reduction expands life expectancy. So it's a good thing I'm making friends with my hunger if I want to stick around this planet longer. As I change and as I let my delusional ideas of who I am drop to the wayside, I see that yes indeed, that's exactly what I want!