Go-Stop-Go and other thoughts

I'm in a persnickety mood.

It's a bit confusing to me at the present time, but I feel like I both want to sleep for many, many hours AND get on a bicycle and ride until I drop. I want to enter into a wild orgy of delightful, joyous connection AND sit by myself in a grove of oak trees. I want to write prodigiously about all the thoughts, feelings and impressions I have been having, AND I want to shut myself up in silence in a monastery out in the middle of the High Plains somewhere.

I want to show up to my night job AND I want to high-tail it to the next place I'm going. I want to keep up the chop-wood-carry-water bit, AND I want to take some heroic action AND I want to procrastinate, all at once. How, truly frustrating.

And I want to blog, but I feel weird about it right now. The aspects of not blogging that have to do with feeling judged by other anonymities can not have an impact on me, but I do wonder what this is for. I am having a series of thoughts and it seems promptings to take some of the material I have herein published and turn it into a pamphlet of some sort. Specifically my assignment from the Samhain ritual to attend the ancestral campfire each day for 2 weeks for 20 minutes on each of those days. It appears that this would be valuable to others????

Taliesin seems to be encouraging me this way, as is the Otter. I sense that my dear blue god would also like to see me enter into engagement with the larger world, and I sense this would be a step in that direction.

On another note, I've been doing a lot of reading about Jesus lately, but keeping it to the notion of working with Jesus as I've been working with Ben Franklin, Cerridwen, Freyja, Dian-y-Glas, Otter, et al. Since Jesus appeared to me at the Winter Witch Camp, I've been curious about the man and how he used to fit in my life. He is "a long lost love who has recrossed my path," and perhaps he will manifest in the guise of a man who I shall deeply love and yearn for. Jesus has had a lot of sweet words for me, for a lot of people, and I find it interesting that his appearance ties in with Ix Chel passing the baton to Quan Yin, to be my "Foster Goddess of the West" until Beltane.

A tarot card reader told me she saw Odin, Freyja and "a green deity with an orange lotus above his/her head." It could be either Quan Yin or Avalokiteshvara, I would surmise. I'm having a lot of visions of deity for some reason, as opposed to animals or mythic creatures, or being clairaudient with the trees and the like. Each one of us has his or her gifts of communicating, and I see that I also have a deep resonance with the ancestors, and most likely the descendants as well. It appears that I need to communicate some of this to those who would listen, to those who would derive benefit, and even to those who would deride. Right now, I'm about 2/3 the way through a book my food sponsor recommended to me called The Nine Faces of Christ by Eugene E. Whitworth. Fascinating it is, for it ties in all these different mystery religions and brings them all together into something called "The Great White Brotherhood" and "The Order of Melchizedek." I feel all sorts of connections and past life mishagoss going off in my body as I read this book. It's like "Oh, I remember when I went through that. (shudder.)" Of course I hope I don't have to go through it again, but one turn on the wheel deserves another, eh boys and girls?

Que viene aqui, no sabemos. Preparasen Uds. (But it could be fun. I'm putting my beads in THAT basket.)