I've started bipolar meds and an anti-anxiety. I might also need an antidepressant on top of it, but I'm not sure. I know they're supposed to help, but I feel sad that I need chemical altering in order to function in this world.
I guess in a way that's to the good. The society that is dying everywhere around us (implode, implode, implode away accelerando!) makes it difficult to survive without some form of medication. The pharmas have it the way they want it, and yes, I've resisted it all this time. But we do live in pharma world, don't we? When in Rome...
I do long for the days when I won't long for death. Right now, I feel rather numb. And tired. I really want to go to sleep right now but I have my therapist appt. tonight.
I tell people frankly that I pray collapse of the decrepit, the necrotic, the no-longer useful. I'm hoping that perhaps if I put it more that way, rather than "collapse of civilization" they won't be as offended. But the two are the same to me. To bring light to the vampires and watch them fizz into a fine wispy smoke--that is a brilliant dream as well! And also to find the cooling and healing aspects of darkness that would ground some of the more heroic and egotistical workers in the light.
("What, lightworkers egotistical? You don't say, tsk-tsk-tsk!" T-hee, and all that cheery rot!)
Vive le weekend!
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