Moon Hermes Wolf - Mishmash

My thoughts are a bit jumbled, and part of that is due to the GORGEOUS weather we're having in upstate New York. Ah. Mah. Gahd. Ess.

Part of it though is also because I have not really been shielding myself well of late. I'm sort of like Harry Potter who sort of thrills at being able to get into Lord Voldemort's mind through his weird connection to the Militantly Ignorant wizard. I guess in part, I sort of get that through the different waves of energy out there, I am connected to all sorts of variants of "You-Know-Who" and of late I've been really susceptible for some reason to feeling bad about my munzel situation, especially as regards my student fucking loan from ye olde Cuntigroup.

So. I'm now seeking outside help. My partner suggests that I should be "open to medication." So, I'm going to try, kicking and screaming though I am right now. I have gotten into dark, deep places because of the finances, but I think in part the issue has gotten magnified out of proportion because of that susceptibility to other people's depressed thoughts.

I recently logged into "Village Blog" where the folks there were talking about reading The Different Drum by M.Scott Peck. I read The People of the Lie a few years ago and I found parts of it to be really amazing. For some people the notion of exorcising evil as a medical practice seemed beyond the pale, but since I've had some experiences with shall we call them "disky spirits", I feel that receiving different sorts of intervention might not be a bad thing.

When I read People of the Lie, I appreciated Peck's observations about what constitutes evil and it has helped me understand my own shadow a bit more. I am glad that I can read Christian writers such as Peck or Jim Marion with equanimity, and without feeling they're out to convert or "heal me of my wounds." In fact in The Different Drum, that very theme is explored at length because that approach stands in the way of making, building and maintaining community. Peck's observations about this amazing process are quite helpful, as it turns out, and I'm curious how I might utilize some of these in the process of being a producer for a play for example, or the board member of a theater.

I have gotten to a place with my spiritual understanding of things that is curious in our culture--I am simultaneously fairly far along to see that I'm farther along than probably 95% of my fellow Americans, about equal with maybe 3-1/2%, a step behind 3/4 of 1 percent, 2 steps behind another 3/8%, and WAY behind only a handful of people which I see as increasing in number over time, and to which I aspire to one day be. And the best part of this is I don't see it as a hierarchical thing. Somehow I appreciate and embrace that I am right where I'm supposed to be, and find gratitude for being here, where "we're all fucked, but life is good" as Derrick Jensen says. The other 5% of people I see myself as being a part of here understand that "we are all one." Peck also addresses that as well, and comments that it is still just the beginning, which I also understand and sometimes breathe heavy sighs over.

Anyway, the thing I'm understanding is that I'm acting as an unwitting prophet-come-lately. The finance stuff is exactly what a lot of people are feeling, and we're all feeling the burdens accompanying the rise in prices of everything around us that we need to survive. I myself wonder if I will even survive the conflagrations that are about to descend upon us all. Of course, none of us is guaranteed survival, "my guides notwithstanding." I try to keep a wider perspective going, and to remember that my survival really does depend on being able to deeply care for others and to receive that in turn.

I see that some others, such as the Cryptogon fellow, are out there peddling their fear-based stuff. It helps, I suppose, but there's no balance there. I can heap my scorn on the fluffy-bunnies out there as well, but come on guys! If it's all going to be like that, maybe I'd want to end up eddzelly-dedzel dead already!

We have to remember to create the lives we desire along the way. One of the tools I use when listening to someone try to sell me on something is to take in the whole person and ask "does she have something I want?" "Is there a characteristic or trait this man has which I would like to cultivate, and is it something I perceive from what it is they're trying to sell me?" Most of the time, sadly, I look and find Gertrude Stein's Oakland--"no there there." Most of the time, it's zombie-selling, and I'm not on board the necro-train.

Even with someone like the aforementioned Mr. Jensen or J.H. Kunstler, I wonder if they have something I want. I understand the passion behind their words, certainly. But in creating the lifeboats for post-Empire modes of living, I need to remember to partner with my personal pantheon and my personal chakra totem-poles to create that life beyond my wildest dreams.

Last week, during all this stuff, I was lucky enough to take a pause at work, and have the owl and the eagle fly into my consciousness. I've gone through all the "what is the significance of this?" and "ooooh! I must be special" mishagoss. These things are always happening, but most people just aren't aware of them. They seem to be pointing me toward something eminently practical, and dare I say really prosaic. They seem to be drawing me into a room in a K-8 sort of school that is a combination of an art class and metals shop. I'm not sure what it is I'm being called to do here, but there is significance here, and I'm getting some specific pictures in my head about the place. The Owl is perching on a vise for example, and I sense there's a built-in forge nearby to where I see myself standing.

So. Quite a bit going on for old Cinnumeg this Lammastide. Sheesh.