Strength/11 (Jesus) Lamb

For some reason, I feel all nervous inside. Some days I get this way. I can't claim to understand why. It's Valentine's Day and my boyfriend and I are going out to dinner tonight. I had odd dreams again last night. Yesterday, I felt I was witnessing something "in real time" that was unfolding apparently in some English or Scottish town. I don't know--are there any instances of a serial killer who's involved in profiling white bisexual men? I seemed to be witness to some sort of investigation, albeit virtually. I felt a little like Scrooge in A Christmas Carol visiting the parties that were going on during that Christmas Present, only instead of being with the Ghost of Christmas Present, I was in what felt like a clear-barriered case of some sort. Virtual plexiglass as it were. Have no idea why my dream-reality would want to show me such a thing. I also had a similar thing happen this morning, but I can't remember what I was witness to.

Today I woke up feeling really tired for some reason. Yesterday, I felt the same way, and I thought it was due to having had a late night on Saturday. (Interestingly, Jody and I saw Match Point and there's a moment in the film that's not unlike what I experienced yesterday morning, involving a police officer in an investigation. Huh. Perhaps I was dreaming about that, but in a semi-literal CSI: Edinpool way.)

Note: I put this entry away for a bit and returned to it after having lunch and going outside to speak more with someone about easing my debt-situation. I wonder now if my tiredness today and yesterday didn't have to do with the strange experiences I've been having in the mornings. They feel like dreams, but they feel also like something else. Perhaps it is as PKD has said, and that other people have said as well, that All Time Is Now. And that I'm seeing bleedthrough of something that is "future" or "past" or "present"--does it really matter? Perhaps it's just how I'm connecting with the "Inner Net" right now. I don't know.

Also wanted to make note that I'm re-reading again Thomas Moore's Care of the Soul. I read this book once a year, at odd times. Last year I read it in the spring, so now I'm reading it inside the Imbolc-Ostara Window. I'll have to start thinking of it that way in the future. I like divying up the year into eighths and thinking about how right now "Spring is in the ground, but winter's still in the air." And between Ostara and Beltane, Spring will be both above and below ground. It's definitely helping me to ground, which at the moment is rather difficult for some earthly(?) reason.